Parenting a child with Special Educational Needs and Disabilities (SEND) is a deeply rewarding journey, but it also brings unique challenges—especially when it comes to navigating big emotions. Some children with SEND may experience heightened anxiety, frustration, sadness, or sensory overwhelm, and these feelings often show up in different ways.
As parents, you are your child’s safe space, and the support you give them in moments of emotional intensity makes a powerful difference. While there’s no one-size-fits-all approach, there are many strategies that can help you and your child move through these challenging moments with calm, connection, and confidence.
Below, we’ll explore practical, compassionate ways to support your child when their emotions feel “too big,” while also caring for yourself along the way.
1. Understand the Roots of Big Emotions
Before diving into strategies, it’s important to recognise why big emotions may feel especially overwhelming for children with additional needs. This could be for a number of reasons and taking a step back to really ask ‘why’ and understand can help us choose the right way to support them. Sometimes a few factors combine together to create one big emotion.
· Sensory sensitivities: Children with autism, ADHD, or sensory processing difficulties may become dysregulated when environments are too noisy, bright, or unpredictable.
· Communication differences: Struggling to express needs verbally can create frustration and meltdowns.
· Transitions and change: Many children find it hard to move between activities, finish a preferred activity or handle unexpected changes in routine.
· Emotional regulation delays: Some children may have differences in their impulse control and self-soothing.
Seeing behaviour as communication is a powerful shift. Instead of viewing outbursts as “bad behaviour,” try to ask: What is my child’s behaviour telling me about their needs right now?
2. Create a Safe and Predictable Home Environment
A sense of safety is the foundation for emotional regulation. Children with SEND often thrive when they know what to expect and feel secure in their surroundings.
· Use visual schedules: Picture timetables or simple charts can help children understand the flow of the day.
· Checklists for independence: Support children to be independent so there are less ‘adult demands’ placed on them, such as a visual checklist for getting ready in the morning.
· Prepare for transitions: Give warnings like “five more minutes” before moving to a new activity. Talk through new events that will be happening and what to expect.
· Set up calming spaces: A cosy corner with soft toys, weighted blankets, or noise-cancelling headphones can provide a retreat during overwhelm.
· Establish routines: Predictable daily rhythms reduce anxiety and give children anchors throughout the day.
3. Teach Emotional Literacy in Small Steps
Children can’t regulate emotions they don’t understand. Supporting your child in naming and recognising feelings builds the foundation for self-regulation.
· Label emotions in the moment: “I see you’re feeling frustrated because your tower fell down.”
· Use visuals: Emotion cards or colour zones can help children point to what they feel when words are hard.
· Support with a strategy for the emotion: Children need to feel understood. We can label and acknowledge the emotion – “I can see that you are angry and that it is ok to feel angry”. But then support with a suitable way to manage that emotion – “would a cuddle, some time alone or going outside help you right now.”
· Model your own emotions: Share how you feel calmly – “I’m a bit tired today, so I need a rest.” This normalises emotions as part of everyday life.
· Storytelling, books and puppets: Many children connect with characters in stories who face similar challenges. They could act out different scenarios with puppets to explore different strategies.
4. Practice Regulation Strategies Together
Every child needs a toolkit of calming strategies, but children with SEND often benefit from learning them in a very concrete, practical way.
You could try experimenting with:
· Breathing exercises: Blow bubbles, pretend to blow out birthday candles, or use a pinwheel to practise slow breathing.
· Movement breaks: Dancing, stretching, or jumping on a trampoline can release pent-up energy.
· Sensory tools: Fidget toys, playdough, or weighted lap pads can bring comfort.
· Grounding activities: Encourage noticing five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, and so on.
The key is practising these strategies during calm moments so they become familiar and have them at hand before the storm arrives.
5. Stay Calm and Regulated Yourself
One of the hardest parts of parenting is managing our own emotions when our child’s feelings are intense. Children—especially those with SEND—often tune into our state and borrow from our calm. This is why we can have emotionally and physically tiring days.
· Pause before reacting: A few deep breaths can stop escalation.
· Keep your tone steady: Even if you need to set boundaries, use a calm voice.
· Step away briefly, if safe: Sometimes, a short break helps you re-centre.
· Practise self-care regularly: Your wellbeing is not a luxury—it’s a necessity for supporting your child.
Remember, you don’t need to be perfectly calm every time. Repairing afterwards (“I got frustrated earlier and I got cross, I am sorry, I still love you and we can try again”) models resilience and shows that even adults have to practise and can get it wrong sometimes.
6. Balance Structure with Flexibility
Structure gives children a sense of security, but too much rigidity can backfire, especially when emotions are high. Aim for a balance:
· Have a plan but allow for breaks: If homework is too overwhelming today, swap it for reading a book together.
· Offer choices: Instead of “time for bath,” try “Do you want bubbles or no bubbles today?” Giving small amounts of control reduces resistance.
· Build in downtime: Children with SEND may need more rest and recovery between busy or stimulating activities.
· Get creative: Planning some fun things like ‘bath time tickets’ for specific timings, as if they were attending a special event, can help to balance structure with enjoyment too!
7. Use Positive Reinforcement and Connection
Big emotions often lead to challenging behaviours, but focusing only on discipline can leave children feeling misunderstood. Their behaviour may be trying to let you know they are finding something overwhelming or difficult. A lot of children’s behaviour is connection-seeking.
· Catch the positives: Notice and praise small steps (“I saw you took a deep breath when you were upset—that was great!”).
· Prioritise one-on-one time: Regular moments of fun and connection can help children’s need for connection.
· Show unconditional acceptance: Remind your child that feelings are always okay, even if how we choose to show those sometimes need guidance. “It is ok to feel angry, but it is not ok to hurt someone – so we need to find another way when we feel angry”.
8. Collaborate with Your Child
Children feel more empowered when they are part of the solution. Depending on age and ability, involve them in creating strategies.
· Ask what helps: “When you feel angry, would you like a hug or some space?”
· Make a “calm plan” together: Draw or write out steps they can try when upset.
· Celebrate small wins: Review together what worked after a meltdown and acknowledge their effort.
9. Seek Support Beyond the Home
Supporting a child with SEND can sometimes feel isolating. Reaching out for help and working as a ‘community’ to support your child is a vital part of the journey.
· Work with schools/settings: Share what strategies help at home and ask about support in the classroom.
· Access professionals: In some scenarios, you want to reach out to professionals for more support, such as speech therapists, occupational therapists, and psychologists to offer tailored strategies.
· Join parent groups/local support groups: Connecting with others in similar situations can provide encouragement and practical ideas. Have a look for local groups on social media, or the Local Offer page for the Local Authority may have more information.
10. Extend Compassion to Yourself
Perhaps the most important piece of all: remember that you are onlyonly human. Supporting a child with SEND through big emotions is challenging work. Some days will feel easier than others, and that’s okay.
· Celebrate your efforts: Even if things didn’t go perfectly, your patience and love matter the most.
· Take breaks when possible: Ask friends, family, or respite services for support.
· Let go of guilt: You don’t need to “fix” every big emotion or moment of dysregulation. Being present, loving, and willing to try again is enough.
Final Thoughts
Big emotions are a normal part of life, but for children with SEND, they can sometimes feel overwhelming, scary and exhausting—for both child and parent. But they are also opportunities for your child to learn resilience and for you to grow together.
By creating a safe, predictable environment, teaching emotional literacy, practising calming strategies, and leading with compassion, you can help your child navigate these storms and build resilience over time.
Most importantly, remember that you don’t need to do this alone. With support, patience, and a toolkit of strategies, your home will be a place where your child feels safe to feel, express, and learn from their emotions—and where you feel confident in supporting them through it all.
This article has been written by TTS in-house expert, Catherine Jewkes
Catherine is a former teacher, senior leader and qualified SENCo, having taught across many different year groups from Nursery to Year 6. She has also worked for a Local Authority leading and supporting a locality of over 70 mainstream and specialist settings from nurseries through to colleges, helping to develop and implement provision for their learners with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND).
