In families, the individuals impact one another. This is particularly so when one or more of those family members have additional needs, in the form of disability, neurodivergence, or physical health difficulties, causing the family dynamic to change positively and/or negatively. Therefore, effective communication is absolutely crucial.
Communication covers a range of modes including speaking, non-verbal communication, listening, natural gesture, body language, facial expression, and use of technology. Understanding diverse communication may well necessitate finding creative ways to express ourselves, and make each individual understood and included.
In this post, I will explore strategies to support communication within families, including:
- Balancing the needs of siblings
- Communicating and explaining to the broader family
- Overcoming common barriers.
Why is communication so important to family life?
Communication allows individuals within the family to:
- Share feelings,
- Express needs,
- Investigate and rectify problems,
- Celebrating successes together.
Alternatively, when communication ceases to function, misunderstandings, negativity, and a lack of inclusion can occur.
Additional Needs
In a family unit where one or more children need further support perhaps owing to Autism, ADHD, SPD (sensory processing disorder), or any number of other physical or neurological Conditions, communication becomes even more crucial a consideration.
As a result, parents may find themselves focused on advocating for or supporting that child, while siblings may wonder where they fit in. Indeed, in one of the parent, carer organizations I work with, we make significant efforts to support and include the siblings, and ensure siblings feel heard and valued when one or more of their brothers or sisters needs/requires extra time or attention, and as such, encourage empathy by helping everyone understand each other’s experiences.
Families and those supporting families need to:
- Work as a team, sharing responsibility and celebrating each other’s strengths.
- Build resilience, so that challenges are faced together, not alone.
Strategies and Tools to Support Communication
Families have the facility to actively strengthen communication. Below are some practical approaches that can positively impact this:
Using Visual Supports
For many children, young people and adults, visual supports can make communication significantly clearer. Interventions such as visual timetables, flash cards, or storyboards can help explain routines, transitions, or feelings. Indeed, a visual timetable showing when it is one child’s “turn” for an activity or even a rota of jobs around the house can minimise the potential for arguments brought on by confusion among siblings. Also, a feeling or regulation chart can give younger children a way to express emotions they do not yet have the vocabulary to express. Therefore, visual supports can take some of the pressure off individuals use of spoken words and provide a shared point of reference for the family.
Open and Honest Environments
Children can be incredibly perceptive, particularly those who may be neurodivergent and hyperfocussed. They often pick up on stress, tension, or changes even if they do not understand the situation or causation. Keeping communication open and honest helps build trust and reduces anxiety. However, this does not mean that we need to share everything with our children. We must always remember to keep things age and ability appropriate. Conversely though, we do have to be aware that a lack of knowledge and understanding may mean that a lack of information could lead to anxiety.
Try to have a catch up every day – maybe at the dinner table. Everyone could share a “good thing” and a “less good thing” from their day. Everybody’s experiences are then validated. I am of course more than aware that modern busy families are not always able to fit these activities in, but we do our best. Similarly, reading books together at the end of the day that reflect different experiences, role-playing scenarios, or simply having conversations like: “How do you think this character or that, felt when the lion scared him?” Over time, these gentle conversations help children see the world from a range of perspectives.
Shared Activities
Family communication is not just about sitting down for a serious conversation. Sometimes, the most meaningful connections happen during an innocuous activity like going to the shops or cleaning teeth. These shared moments create memories, reduce tension, and remind siblings that family life is about sharing thoughts and feelings.
Prioritising 1:1 Time
A major difficulty for most parents/carers, is the need to balance time equally (or fairly). In particular, a child with additional needs may require a lot of focused attention, leaving siblings overlooked. Therefore, the need to build in 1:1 time; even if it is just a few minutes a day can make a significant difference. Something as simple as reading a book together, going for a short walk, or playing a quick game shows the child that they are valued as an individual. This may involve an element of planned teamwork, with one parent/carer spending time with the sibling while the other supports the child with higher needs. Over time, these little moments build a strong foundation of connection.
Overcoming challenges with communication
Challenges will always arise. Let us take a look at some possible solutions:
- Misunderstandings due to lack of accuracy and individuals often interpret words differently. For example, a child might think “later” means five minutes, while a parent means after dinner. Accuracy of communication is hugely important.
- Emotional Understanding. Always try to explain why siblings may be treated differently. Nobody wants to be left out, and an age/level of understanding explanation may effectively circumnavigate this.
- Extended Family viewpoints. Some relatives may not find it easy to understand behaviours, and the strategies and interventions that run alongside. Try to involve these relatives as much as you can in order to communicate understanding.
Remember …
Strong communication creates strong family community. This can translate to a safe space where everyone feels valued, and communication is about connection. Every family is unique, and there is no magic bullet way to communicate. Communication is about creating space for every member to feel seen, heard, and valued. Whichever mode of communication you use, supporting communication will ultimately enhance the bonds in family as it opens a wider approach to that communication.
This article has been written by Andrew Whitehouse
A little bit about Andrew Whitehouse – SEND Expert
Andrew is a specialist in neurological diversity and behaviour and provides interventions for professionals, parents and young people with Autism, ADHD, Dyslexia and related conditions. Andrew has a number of roles including training, strategies and therapies for education professionals in schools and colleges, observing learners in the learning environment and providing practical solutions to help them achieve their potential, both social and emotional and academic.
As well as running networking day courses across the UK for SEN, Andrew provides short courses for Bishop Grosseteste University and holds a number of UK and overseas contracts. Andrew delivered a TEDx Talk “From Disability to Superpowers” and has an extensive conference profile. Andrew is also a Forensic SEND Consultant and acts as an expert witness in SEND related court cases.
Andrew recently delivered the prestigious Bamford Lecture at the British Academy of Audiologists National Conference and has a prolific conference profile.
